Whatever service you plan, you will be creating a ritual. A ritual is a pattern of expressions to share our love and say goodbye. It is a time of gathering and, once again, sharing our stories. Today’s funeral can be what you want it to be. You can do what you want to do and the caring people at Colma Cremation & Funeral Services can help you by providing information and support.

A vital aspect of the grieving process is involvement: doing something. A ceremony or gathering provides a way to express and absorb the loss as a family and community… People need to participate – formally or informally – in a gathering or privately.

We never forget. The person we love lives in our hearts for as long as we live. A soon as our person dies, the mourning and remembering begins.

Create a memory table with photos and items that reflect your loved ones.

Create a photo collage – it can be as simple as putting photos on a poster to display at the service or a bit more complicated as a power point presentation.

Letter writing is a way to begin the process of working through your grief. Ask family and friends to bring a letter to the deceased to the service. The letters can be placed in the casket of the deceased prior to burial or cremation. At the service of our beloved son-in-law, we placed a large sheet of white paper on the wall at the entrance to the chapel. We provided colored markers and family and friends wrote personal messages to him. We rolled up the paper and placed it in the casket – the messages were cremated with him.

Flowers are a very traditional expression of sympathy. Ask your family and friends to bring a flower to the service; you can create a large bouquet that will be present during the ceremony. If you have selected cremation and are scattering the remains at sea, in a river or lake, each person can toss their flowers into the water when the cremated remains are scattered.

If you choose a church or cemetery service, you can have music, a butterfly or balloon release. If you have selected cremation, you can do the same things at a memorial service. Create a printed program, place an announcement in the paper, distribute favors. Choose things from the person’s life that you know gave them particular pleasure, perhaps a favorite poem and some of their favorite music. In advance, ask those who knew them well to prepare small individual eulogies that recall good things about them that can be read out loud during the ceremony.

The enduring spirit that has moved gently on to another place may be envisioned as a flame in the darkness, and you may feel it appropriate for everyone to light a candle symbolizing this spark of eternity.

You may wish to gather at your loved one’s favorite restaurant or have a picnic at a favorite park. A remembrance ceremony may be an appropriate time to plant a tree in celebration of your loved one’s life. Tell your loved one’s story.

You can design a tasteful shrine, wear a remembrance wrist band, wear somethng that belonged to your person who died, create a memory quilt, keep a journal. There are yard stones to be inscribed with our loved one’s name and message. You can do such a simple thing as light a candle or an involved one such as climbing a mountain to write your loved one’s name in the book at the top.

Some friends of ours attended a memorial ceremony of their friend who loved to canoe. Friends and family gathered at the site of the favorite canoeing place. A small canoe had been constructed out of cardboard containing the cremated remains. Friends and family in canoes followed the paper canoe that was set on fire.

At my father’s memorial service, we gathered together, distributed a flower to every one and walked the short walk to the site of the service. We held hands in a circle to start. There was a table in the middle of the circle that held my father’s urn. We laid our flowers on the table on and around my father’s urn. It was a small service and each of us shared a short memory during the ceremony. As my father was proud of his military service, we had taps played and a flag was presented to our family. After the service was over, we drove to our house for memories and refreshments. As the service was tearful and we were very sad, I wanted to come home to something cheerful. We opened the door and were greeted with white helium balloons tied with colorful ribbons in the living and dining room. We toasted my Dad with champagne, wrote messages on the balloons and released them from our deck. It was beautiful and fun – my Dad would have loved it.

As we are far way from many of our relatives, about two weeks before the service I mailed cards with the date and time of the service to them. I included a loving poem and asked everyone, no matter where they were, to stop for a moment to remember my Dad and participate in our service. I received many phone calls and cards after the service telling me where they were and how they remembered my Dad on that date.

Here we are gathered, toward the setting sun
Tarry with us the evening before you travel far away
By a perilous path to the spirit land
Halt on your journey and turn your eyes back toward us.
Look again upon those who loved you
And whose days are spent in tear.
Rest as you journey toward the setting sun where your home is.
Encircle with the red leaves of mourning, we grieve for you.
The drum of death is beating.
Weeping, we would follow you, yet you go far away.
By a perilous path to the spirit land
Rush forth O guardian winds
And bear our loved one gently on his way
We weep for thee and desolate is our home
Guided by the Goddess you shall safely reach your home
Gliding over the shimmering sea
To rest beneath the glowing tide.